Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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