My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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