I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
