I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
