We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
