Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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