there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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