just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
