i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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