He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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