Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
