I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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