shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
