We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
