just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
