just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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