I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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