It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
