tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
