I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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