I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I met the friendliest cop last night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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