The maid of honor just puked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
