We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
