Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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