Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
