update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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