that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
