i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
