i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
