Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
