i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
