And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
