Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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