a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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