just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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