sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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