I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
