Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
