She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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