I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
