i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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