Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
