I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
