I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
