Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The adults are the big ones right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
