here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize