I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
