Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
