flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
