someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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