You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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