She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
