He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
