did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
